Embracing lockdown, holding it in my grasp, accepting willingly.
This was the plan. To bring it into my way of life as the “new normal”. It seemed a far fetched idea and an idea that had to become the reality of my future, for however long, and however uncertain it made me feel.
I began with enthusiasm, bringing focus, like when you meet a new friend. New ideas, new to each other, nothing known, the beginning of a shared interest perhaps or a shared love of something.
So, lockdown was now my new friend, my paintings were bright with lots of colour. Bright pinks, purples, yellow and pastel blues. The concept, the composition were light and airy, breezy,beaming with optimism. I spent many hours sitting by the window with the warmth of the sun on my face. My mind exploring all and how the paints would flow. The March winds were distant and April appeared. The Easter celebration, a birthday and anniversary, memories of yesteryear gone by. A memory looking for Easter eggs, hidden around the garden.
Oh lockdown! What has changed?
The celebrations quiet, the empty home that once buzzed with splendour and chatter, the chocolate wrappers were now a vision, so I paint in reckless abandonment. I bring in more colour to my paintings,
The daffodils I paint are bright and a reminder of spring gone by.
Oh lockdown! I’m still embracing you and may is upon us.
My mind has sunk into longing and disbelief that May is here. Grief has now encapsulated my thoughts. No sharing of that day in May, no contact, no hug to avert this pain.
Oh lockdown! Can I keep on embracing you in my arms?
Can I bring that new friendship into my “new normal”. My paintings become messy, dark and lackluster. I paint out, over and over my canvas. It’s no longer the bright and airy of March.
Oh lockdown! You have engulfed me into a new reality, that once was “normal”. But, oh how it’s changed......a change I do not want to hold!
I want what once had been the carefree, the bright, the breezy, the hum drum, the dizzy life before.
Oh lockdown! Anxiety has taken over the creative me. The enthusiasm I once had, the new beginning after such personal grief.
Oh lockdown! Will I embrace you? Hold you like that new friend. How will I find that tender excitement in that new place of friendship?
I turned and I glimpsed, and in the beaming light of the sun I saw the guitar. It looked cold and isolated and I remember that feeling, so I picked it up and I strummed through the chords.
Oh lockdown! The sound of the notes! Were they my new friend?....
To be continued.....