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It Comes To Us Brenda Walton

Why is it that so many people will not talk about death? In everyone's life that moment will come and not thinking of it will not make it go away.

We all have our different likes and dislikes so why don't we make them known on the subject of our funeral?

I have recently seen (and not for the first time) a family torn apart by the choices available when someone dies,

It is a time when those left behind should gather together to help one another deal with the loss not be daggers drawn over how or what should happen.

For some, who have strong faith. their religion will dictate the form of service but for others who have little or no faith there are no rules. This is when the trouble can start.

I cannot say what will work for you. Each of us are individuals and must make their own decisions,

I thought long and hard. I found it easier to say what I did not want but hard to decide what I did want. Did I even want a funeral? (You can now arrange for your body to be collected and cremated with no family or friends there.) I wanted to give people the chance to say 'Goodbye' as I had often welcomed the opportunity to do just that.

So I wrote down how I would like things to happen. I had my children visit me, without their partners, and had a straight talk with them. At first it was 'It's a long time away we don't need to discuss this now' but I stood my ground and had my say.

I chose the music I would like and wrote a letter from me to be read out at the service. I then went to a funeral director, specified what I wanted and paid for a funeral plan. My children came with me as by then they could see how important it was to me.

You may find reading this uncomfortable or maybe you feel I am making a mountain out of a molehill. I just hope it makes you consider your options.

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If any of you have an opportunity to watch this film, 'What We Did on Our Holidays' - I believe it is on Netflix and stars; David Tennant, Rosamund Pike and Billy Connelly. It is a beautiful film and highlights that children literally take everything you say seriously! Check out this link:


Thanks Brenda. I too was called by both of my parents to have this conversation, obviously being highlighted by the pandemic. It was tough as they are my parents, but its done now. Its just a shame that this is at the forefront of their minds like many elderly people. I'd have hoped that they would have done this in their own time and not been pressured into it. It has certainly highlighted to me their vulnerability and sort of saddened me that they are both stuck in sticking to the rules and not enjoying their retirement as they should be.


Thank you for your comments on this post. It is something that I think is extremely important so I am pleased it has provoked a response.


Great post and is something that we do tend to avoid discussing.

We have been down the road of family arguements in years gone by. It was a subject not to be discussed but then when the time come there were tensions. I was called all-sorts yet was Julie and me who ended up footing the bill as there was no funds to cover expenses.

We had the discussion ourselves over last couple of years partly due to health reasons and also issues surrounding families. So we know what each other would like if something happens to 1 of us. Personally I did say do the cremation only option for me. Partly it saves a lot of money despite we…


I think this might just be the most important post on here at this point in time. Well said Brenda and well done for sharing such a sensitive topic in such a clear straightforward, unambiguous manner. I welled up reading that. Thank you

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